That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
