This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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