2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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