Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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