Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She bit a glass in half.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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