i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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