Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
they're like a gay fantastic four
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
