Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
