if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
