apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
