My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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