shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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