I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
