Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
