god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize