she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
