An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
