either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
