yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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