If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
