I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The Olympian is in my bed
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