his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
