just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
