you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
