Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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