You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
