HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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