why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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