you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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