Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm at about main and main street
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
