cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
