I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize