I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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