hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
