and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
