all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
