This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
