nut hugger
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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