I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
