You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
