i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
