oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
