You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
