I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
