Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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