I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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