i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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