I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
