man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
handjob tips. give me some.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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