I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
