ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
