I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
