Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
