I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How external is "for external use only"?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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