she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
