Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
