bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
