i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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