Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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